Tag Archives: parenting

If I had a baby boy

Here’s a “poem” I wrote. It is very simple in it’s structure and language, but it is something I feel dearly about. I don’t like how human beings are given names when they’re born and how they live their whole lives to defend their names. It is in short, my attempt to mock at all sorts of labelling we have in the society today.


If I had a baby boy,

He won’t be given a name.

Call him Jack, Alex, George or Dork

To him it’s all the same.

If I had a baby boy,

He will go to school

Hydrogen bonding, Renaissance, Calculus

He’ll learn these things

Or he can stop,

If he doesn’t want to.

If I had a baby boy,

He won’t be taught to pray

He’ll go to the church,

Temples, mosques and monasteries

And if he asks,

I’ll go with him too.

If I had a baby boy,

He’ll be dressed like a girl on Monday

And if he likes

He can have those skirts,

braids, nail paint and lipstick

On all the other days.

If I had a baby boy,

He won’t ever be ashamed.

His head is high always

On winning or losing-

A scrabble tournament or a football game

‘Cause to him, it’s all the same.

And when my baby boy grows up,

He won’t ask me whom to love.

But if he does,

“Just any girl. Or boy.”,

I’ll say-

‘Cause to me it’s all the same.

My baby boy-

He won’t be like me. Or you.

He’ll be a very special guy.

But- I won’t give him a name.

The virginal Indian

 

 I am 21. And…I am virgin.

This is nothing extraordinary.  India offers an endless procession of virgins. Allowing a  few exceptions, almost every girl you meet, who is unmarried and below 30 years of age is invariably virgin. (There are of course, cases of girls saving themselves for marriage in India) But most of these are ‘accidental’ cases of virgins. While some are resultant of lack of opportunity or just not being able to find ‘a place to do’. This is some kind of a consolation to me- I am not alone.

I am  just like the many Indian spinsters living with their parents. I have a room to myself. The same thing, however could not be said about ‘space’. My parents were brought up on the old-school idea that  it was up to them to protect their daughter. And it was not the individual herself.

In a society where ‘morally correct’ roughly translates into ‘covered’, a society where a huge premium is put on virginity- I am doing things right. I have my privileges. I could just pick out any guy and if he likes me for the person I am, I could marry him without any fear. I am a girl with no evidences of the ‘past’. And being a virgin, I was also entitled to call any ‘hot stuff’ that displeased me-‘slutty’. Also is the fact that, I never really have to calculate my period dates in advance.

 

So why was I frustrated? Being a virgin did not bother me. Not as much as being shy. For someone with absolutely no inhibitions, I am a bit too shy physically, sexually. I know I would hold myself back from even responding to my partner’s advances, leave alone ‘taking the lead’. You might argue that this is nothing to be ashamed of. It is true. And it is also ‘opinion’. I am not someone that people would like seeing as ‘awkward’ in situations.I would hate to be seen as a sexual hypocrite or prude. (2/10 would bang). (Not like I have a problem with being ‘unattractive’. Still.).

 

 I am not the way I used to be at the time of puberty. I no longer get ‘butterflies’ on seeing some ‘great bod’.  Also are these insecurities about my appearances which didn’t exist  then. Almost every girl has been conditioned into thinking anything related to sex and the word itself- is wrong. And naturally is trained into expressing  herself verbally, bodily in an acceptable manner( that is, without the use of sexual references or expressions.).  And I’m used to this. And to suddenly shift to a more flirtatious or feminine demeanor wouldn’t come too easily. Much as  I know that  I am not too old. And also I’m aware of the fact that there is no such thing as the ‘right age’ to have your first erotic experience. And I don’t hate being virgin as much as I’d hate having to look aesthetically-pleasing  for someone to see. However, the realization that my first experience would be a little calculated and mature in opposition to the spontaneous and innocent ones, like in the movies (which in my opinion is how a ’ first’ should be) disappoints me. I feel like I was deprived of having  this ‘experience’. (Perhaps, it was for a greater good.).

 

I’m certainly not a fan of nudity or vulgarity. Nor do I want to see a whole new generation of single moms. I don’t advocate 14 year olds having non-condomed , pre-marital sex either. And deep inside me I know the ‘protective’ nature that is characteristic to a parent is something that I’d be grow up to appreciate. But decisions concerning one’s ‘virginity’ should be conscious/self-made.  An individual has the right to expression. And sex, is a form of expressing oneself. Let’s just say, having a choice is good.